Tales of the Pregnant Farmer – The Christmas Party Dilemma

I pretty much dread going out in public when I’m pregnant. I’m not one of those lovely, glowing pregnant mothers. Even with my best effort, I tend to look as if I just fell out the “rag bag”, looking like a “rag-a-muffin” as my mother would put it. There’s just nothing lovely about it. When I got the invitation to the company Christmas party I was planning to skip it. I showed the invite to my husband, to which he replied “I’ll have the prime rib.” I guess we will be going to the party.

I then go into a slight panic mode. I have been unbuttoning my pants to sit down since the county fair. There are no appropriate “dress clothes” (new button up shirts and jeans with the “bling”) in my closet that I could even fake fitting at this point. Yes, that is pretty much my whole wardrobe- button-up shirt, sweatshirt and jeans. It’s just easier. After some fretting I decided to fork over a few bucks and went to a new second hand store in town to find something to wear. (I’m not going to fit into this for too long and see no point in spending on something new for one event.)

I found a very nice and brand new, black and white dress. Perfect. Eight bucks and it was mine. I was calmed, I had found something to wear. About a week later I was thinking about the dress. It’s winter in northern Minnesota. It’s cold in the winter. I wear jeans year round. These knobby knees are white.

White, white, white.



Ok, I used to be in roller derby and am not able to part with my gear or clothes yet. I had some tights and leggings in that stuff. As I’m rummaging through everything, hot pink tights, neon blue tights, yes and few wadded up black pieces.


Great! There are few places fishnets are appropriate and a Christmas party for the local telephone company is not one of them. Also, these fit when I was in roller derby… long before the county fair. I’m pretty sure if I could get them on, my legs would look like ham.

ham - wildflowerfarm.orgYou know, ham.

“I was hungry until I got in the buffet line behind her. I think I’m good now though.”

Ok, I can find some cheap leggings.


Shoes… Crap. I have brown work boots, brown and green work boots, hunting boots and brown wedding boots. Those match black. Ugh! Back to the dark depths of the closet.

Candy apple red high heels, even higher shiny black high heels and even taller black high heels.

Great! Just what every pregnant women wants to try to squeeze her “end of the day swollen feet” into; a pair of runway heels.

Snow boots it is!

Ok maybe not. I planned to attempt to stuff my swollen feet into the black high heels, with the addition of some leg warmers to cover the cankles.

Oh dear lord, I’m glad this only comes around once a year.

I got home from work the night of the party, did the barn chores and put on the nicest pair of almost too small jeans, the newest button up shirt that fit, my favorite string of pearls and called it good.

Rag-a-muffin. (sigh) Maybe I will give the other “get up” a try for Christmas Eve mass… when I have all day to prepare.

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