Tales of the Pregnant Farmer: Fertilizer

It was a dark and stormy night, well sort of. It was evening and raining pretty good. There was some thunder here and there. I was getting groceries after work when I got the call.

“Hey, uh, where are you?”

“Just finishing at the grocery store. Do I need to run back in for something?”

“No. Hmm… The cows are in the front yard.”

“I’m on my way. If you need help now, try Mark or Uncle Greg. I don’t think dad’s home.”

“I think they’ll be ok.”

Sure enough, I pulled into the yard and everyone except the calves were milling about the front yard. I would have left them for a bit, the lawn needed mowing and with all the rain we’ve been getting we (Mike) hadn’t had a chance to do it. I hopped out of the car and headed to the barn… well let’s be honest here, eight and a half month pregnant I rolled out of the car and waddled to the barn. By the time I got there water was swishing between my toes and I realized that I was once again not wearing the proper footwear for rain or cows. It was too late to change though.

Mike wasn’t too far behind I could see him watching out the kitchen window when I parked. He got everyone situated by a window so they could see what was going on. Then he started trying to push the steers across the driveway.

I picked up my milk bucket and filled it with oats, unhooked the latch to the cow pen and headed back out the door. Caroline was closest to the barn door and I was hoping she would wander in. She likes the barn and knows where her treats are. She didn’t. She was enjoying the fresh grass way too much.

I headed down the hill to the pig gate. That’s where they got out. They managed to knock the gate off the hinges. We’ll have to swap that one too. Mike had it leaning back up to keep the calves in at least. I shoved it over and called for Lucy. She’s not the milk cow I had hoped for for now but she is a good cow still. A couple shakes of the bucket and a call for her and she’s on her way. I got her in and back up the hill. Then dumped a little grain to keep her occupied.

Mike got Wheezy headed my direction and once she realized that Lucy had oats her piggishness kicked in and she was storming up the hill to get her share.

“Will you closed the gate in the barn?! I left it open for Caroline. Wheezy may try to escape again.” I hollered up the hill to Mike. He got that closed just in time.

Caroline was next. I have an easy time getting her going where I need. We took our time and wandered down the hill again. Though the gate and I left her with her own little pile of oats hidden from Wheezy.

G.W., the bull, took a little more effort. Mike had to do some pushing to get him moving. Once he was going he was coming towards me and fast. Lucky for me he’s in love with Caroline and oats. As fast as he can run he can stop and did. Screeching halt at his gal and grain. I left those two and was on to the next. Mike had been chasing the steers around the yard and got them headed down the hill about the same time.

Together we lifted the gate back on the hinges and secured it for the night.

A head count came up with nine. Then we had to take an extra minute to go through the list of names to see if nine is what was supposed to be in there. Lucy, Wheezy, Caroline, G.W., Gus, Humphry, Margo, Thelma, Elwood. Everyone was back to where they belonged and there weren’t any extra either!

We were already soaked so we figured it was a good time to just get the chores done and call it a night.

“You know those cows were half ways down the driveway tonight?! I had a heck-of-a time just getting then to the front yard and keeping the kids in the house. That little miss sure wanted to be out helping.”

“She likes her cows that’s for sure.”

“I had to leave a trail of oats down the driveway to coax them that back.”

“They weren’t headed anywhere fast once they each had their patch of grass the way it looked.”

“Now there’s cow crap all over the yard! (sigh)”




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