Tales of the Pregnant Farmer: Fertilizer


It was a dark and stormy night, well sort of. It was evening and raining pretty good. There was some thunder here and there. I was getting groceries after work when I got the call.

“Hey, uh, where are you?”

“Just finishing at the grocery store. Do I need to run back in for something?”

“No. Hmm… The cows are in the front yard.”

“I’m on my way. If you need help now, try Mark or Uncle Greg. I don’t think dad’s home.”

“I think they’ll be ok.”

Sure enough, I pulled into the yard and everyone except the calves were milling about the front yard. I would have left them for a bit, the lawn needed mowing and with all the rain we’ve been getting we (Mike) hadn’t had a chance to do it. I hopped out of the car and headed to the barn… well let’s be honest here, eight and a half month pregnant I rolled out of the car and waddled to the barn. By the time I got there water was swishing between my toes and I realized that I was once again not wearing the proper footwear for rain or cows. It was too late to change though.

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Today’s the Day

Any time now for Heavens sake!

“You might as well call in to work today and sit in the barn. Today will be the day.”

I rolled my eyes at Mike. “It’s been “the day” for the last how many days.”

We were in the barn doing morning chores and checking on Caroline. She was huge, obviously uncomfortable and showing every sign that she was ready to go any time now.

“I will check on her before I leave for work.” I have been for the last couple weeks and there has been nothing to report.

We kept on with our chores and that was that.

I had everyone loaded in the van and ready to go, pulled up to the barn and you guessed it! There she was standing over a very fresh calf. I let my boss and daycare know that I was going to be late and started checking everyone out.

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Holy Cow! 

Oh Thelma! It was the week of the county fair, that time of year that I end up completely ignoring household duties and spend all of my energy at the fair. I had picked Monday as the day that Sweet Caroline would have her calf. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, nothing. Thursday morning Mike went out to take care of morning chores and the phone rang. The only time the phone rings that early in the morning is when Mike is calling from the barn.

“You’d better come out here!”

I was out the door in my flip flops, bathrobe and work gloves. I’ve learned to always go right away and always bring gloves. I have yet to get the proper footwear to sink in to the process. This is it! Caroline is finally calving! I rushed in to the barn and there she was, big, uncomfortable and pregnant. I found Mike out by the corral gate, on the other side was the rest of the herd eating their breakfast same as any other morning.

Caroline followed me out of the barn and there the three of us stood looking through the gate at a little black calf that was born within the last few hours.

“Are you kidding me?!”

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Goat Yoga and Cow Coffee

I’ve been seeing articles about a new fitness craze- Yoga with Goats. At first I thought it was a joke, then I realized they weren’t kidding and decided it must be a “city folk” thing. Have you ever had goats or spent any time around them? I have goats. Friendly goats. If you would like to come do your morning yoga routine with them I will gladly open the gate for you.

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The Cows are Out

“Hey, so, ah, the cows somehow got the red gate off the hinge and everybody is in the corral. G.W. is trying to breed Lucy already.” That’s right, another one of Mike’s famous calls from the barn.

All afternoon the rain has been off and on; the “on” in the form of heavy, soaking down pours and some hail at one point. We had planned to put some dehorning paste on Margo tonight. Her horns are just barely little bumps, but big enough that we can tell she will have horns. It’s best we take care of them now before they attach to her skull and she gets any stronger. She’s got a lot of might in that little frame.

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